Finally my reply- Ive already sent it so no negative feedback please
Dear %%%%
Sometimes in life we accidentally press the send button when we don’t mean to. I am not speaking metaphorically but in reference to an email I received last week. I suppose %%%% forwarded the email on to me by accident or perhaps you sent it to me thinking you were sending it somewhere else. Whatever the case, I’ve read it.
If I had responded when I first got the email, I would have responded in a hurried flash of hurtful words. When I first got the email, my reaction was to discontinue our relationship. A week later, I don’t want to respond in hurtful words, but I still want to discontinue our relationship.
I can speak so casually of “discontinuing” our relationship because there truly has never been a solid foundation for us. When I was younger you were always away in a foreign country. When my mother became sick and unemployed, you remained overseas. When I graduated high school and my mother spent the summer of 1998 in the ICU, you still did not come. I have always remembered you as the allusive aunt that flew in every few years and told stories of her foreign adventures; someone who so obviously cared more about her own adventures than the turmoil back home.
You and my mother were not close, especially the last 10 year of her life. I am sure it is no surprise to you that she spoke bitterly of you. My mother was here for a lot of events that you were absent. I could see that my mother felt burdened by being the only child stateside. She felt a lot of pressure from %%% and ##### and there were no siblings around for her to go to or share that responsibility with. I feel like you and I have never really bonded. As the only child of a single parent I will always have strong feelings over my mother’s death. After all, I was only 20 years old, an age still considered to be a child by most. And I found myself all alone with any support. I alone could not help her, but I will always feel that if you had been around more, to be a sister and a friend to my mother, that things might have been different. I am sure you yourself have feelings of guilt over her death and seeing as though you were absent from her life when she most needed you, your feelings have merit.
I came from a mixed background where my mother was very affectionate and emotional and Grammy and Bob, as well as you, were emotionless. I rarely talked to $$$$ and %%%% about what was going on with my mother while I was in high school. They rarely showed emotion other than to condemn her in front of me. It speaks volumes that when I needed a good place to live, it wasn’t with $$$$ and &&&&. Whether you knew it or not, I moved out of my mother’s house 3 separate times ( and 3 different locations) because she couldn’t care for me.
As a 25 year old, I am a very emotion driven person. I find that to be a good quality. I am attentive and get excited when others share their day. I get upset if my favorite TV show is a rerun. I will run up to Jason and jump in his arms when he comes home from a trip. I tell Jason I love him often. I share my feelings with my friends. I love entertaining. I tell my friends I love them. I use curse words more often than I should and can talk nonstop about my daily observations of life. The person I am is one that you have never seen. I am a person that you really don’t know and haven’t cared to get to know. I don’t remember you helping me when my mom was sick and I don’t remember you helping me when she died. I was alone at college and there didn’t seem to be an outpouring of love shown for me in my time of need.
I am not upset that you think my thought pattern “aren’t normal”. I’d be upset if I was considered “normal”. My mother loved me very much and always instilled in me that I was special. She told me I was different than other little girls because there was something inside me that made me stand out. Perhaps it is my ability to always see the potential for “greener grass”. Perhaps it is my ability to daydream endlessly, and sometimes have my daydreams come true. Perhaps it is my ability to read people after knowing them for a brief period. So, no, my thought patterns “aren’t normal”, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A person that chooses to see a therapist is a person with deep inner strength. I believe everyone can benefit from a professional counselor and those who never try may never heal. At 25 and having lost my mother at 20, I am very proud of myself for choosing to see a therapist. I am taking charge of my life and not finding myself one day at fifty- something wondering where I went wrong and why I can’t master a close relationship. And if after having a miscarriage and losing my mother at a young age is helped by a few months on a medication that helps balance my anxiety, then 3 cheers for me for being strong enough to admit after all that I have been through maybe some professional help would do me good.
Being rational means making decisions based on logic and sensibility. If I were to make all my decisions based on those traits, my life would be very dull. Perhaps in your life you make all of your decisions judiciously by calculating the possible outcomes. I live my life for my happiness. I want no regrets and I want to take chances. I want to drive to the beach even if I am not sure I will have enough gas to get back. I plan on living my life to its fullest. I am glad you don’t consider me rational because rational is not my life’s ambition.
In the past several years we have drifted a part. You never visited me at college and never knew who I was. Because you never witnessed me growing up, I can not be myself around you. I am an outgoing person that my friends (and I have many of them still including %%%%%) would consider lively, funny, lavish, bubbly, and fun to be around. Like I said before, I can curse and talk dirty, tell stories and cut loose but I would never do that around you or $$$$ because you don’t show emotion and you make me feel like I need to be your expectation of me.
My future is still being determined. At 25, I have lots of fantastic choices in front of me. If I want to go back to school, I could. But I am not a “school” person and I have far too many plans and paths to discover than to go back to school for a degree in something that paints me as a one-sided person. I have many interests and many dimensions. It’s a shame that you never really knew me or you would realize that singing is just of my many interests. Thankfully I do not feel the need to defend my life choices to you.
Perhaps my life has been considered “rough”. You’ve been an on and off part of my life and certainly haven’t contributed to helping it. I am not a person that uses past life experiences as excuses. I am who I am and that is a strong, independent, mature, creative, special person.
I am not willing to try to mend our relationship. I am not doing this to be hurtful or “cruel” but because I deserve a life free from harsh judgments. I choose to surround myself with positive people. I am sorry I couldn’t have the aunt that I share secrets with or go on road trips with or ask for advice. We haven’t been close and we certainly can’t go anywhere from here. I am not willing to continue defending my life to you. I am not willing to hold back my personality. I am not willing to force a relationship with someone who views me so critically. I need all my strength for my future.
I honestly don’t mean any of this letter to be hurtful to you. I have given this a lot of thought and I can’t continue without giving a response to that email that was mistakenly sent to me. There is a line between letting things run off your back and standing up for yourself.
I am a lucky person to have the things in life I do. I can say for sure that my mother has been my guardian angel. I look forward to a bright future that I am sure will have its share of irrational insensible decisions. I look forward to sharing my life with an adoring husband who believes in showing his love for me. I look forward to the list of jobs I am sure I will go through before I find the perfect one.
I am my mother’s daughter and I am proud to be my mother’s daughter.
Chalica
Sometimes in life we accidentally press the send button when we don’t mean to. I am not speaking metaphorically but in reference to an email I received last week. I suppose %%%% forwarded the email on to me by accident or perhaps you sent it to me thinking you were sending it somewhere else. Whatever the case, I’ve read it.
If I had responded when I first got the email, I would have responded in a hurried flash of hurtful words. When I first got the email, my reaction was to discontinue our relationship. A week later, I don’t want to respond in hurtful words, but I still want to discontinue our relationship.
I can speak so casually of “discontinuing” our relationship because there truly has never been a solid foundation for us. When I was younger you were always away in a foreign country. When my mother became sick and unemployed, you remained overseas. When I graduated high school and my mother spent the summer of 1998 in the ICU, you still did not come. I have always remembered you as the allusive aunt that flew in every few years and told stories of her foreign adventures; someone who so obviously cared more about her own adventures than the turmoil back home.
You and my mother were not close, especially the last 10 year of her life. I am sure it is no surprise to you that she spoke bitterly of you. My mother was here for a lot of events that you were absent. I could see that my mother felt burdened by being the only child stateside. She felt a lot of pressure from %%% and ##### and there were no siblings around for her to go to or share that responsibility with. I feel like you and I have never really bonded. As the only child of a single parent I will always have strong feelings over my mother’s death. After all, I was only 20 years old, an age still considered to be a child by most. And I found myself all alone with any support. I alone could not help her, but I will always feel that if you had been around more, to be a sister and a friend to my mother, that things might have been different. I am sure you yourself have feelings of guilt over her death and seeing as though you were absent from her life when she most needed you, your feelings have merit.
I came from a mixed background where my mother was very affectionate and emotional and Grammy and Bob, as well as you, were emotionless. I rarely talked to $$$$ and %%%% about what was going on with my mother while I was in high school. They rarely showed emotion other than to condemn her in front of me. It speaks volumes that when I needed a good place to live, it wasn’t with $$$$ and &&&&. Whether you knew it or not, I moved out of my mother’s house 3 separate times ( and 3 different locations) because she couldn’t care for me.
As a 25 year old, I am a very emotion driven person. I find that to be a good quality. I am attentive and get excited when others share their day. I get upset if my favorite TV show is a rerun. I will run up to Jason and jump in his arms when he comes home from a trip. I tell Jason I love him often. I share my feelings with my friends. I love entertaining. I tell my friends I love them. I use curse words more often than I should and can talk nonstop about my daily observations of life. The person I am is one that you have never seen. I am a person that you really don’t know and haven’t cared to get to know. I don’t remember you helping me when my mom was sick and I don’t remember you helping me when she died. I was alone at college and there didn’t seem to be an outpouring of love shown for me in my time of need.
I am not upset that you think my thought pattern “aren’t normal”. I’d be upset if I was considered “normal”. My mother loved me very much and always instilled in me that I was special. She told me I was different than other little girls because there was something inside me that made me stand out. Perhaps it is my ability to always see the potential for “greener grass”. Perhaps it is my ability to daydream endlessly, and sometimes have my daydreams come true. Perhaps it is my ability to read people after knowing them for a brief period. So, no, my thought patterns “aren’t normal”, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A person that chooses to see a therapist is a person with deep inner strength. I believe everyone can benefit from a professional counselor and those who never try may never heal. At 25 and having lost my mother at 20, I am very proud of myself for choosing to see a therapist. I am taking charge of my life and not finding myself one day at fifty- something wondering where I went wrong and why I can’t master a close relationship. And if after having a miscarriage and losing my mother at a young age is helped by a few months on a medication that helps balance my anxiety, then 3 cheers for me for being strong enough to admit after all that I have been through maybe some professional help would do me good.
Being rational means making decisions based on logic and sensibility. If I were to make all my decisions based on those traits, my life would be very dull. Perhaps in your life you make all of your decisions judiciously by calculating the possible outcomes. I live my life for my happiness. I want no regrets and I want to take chances. I want to drive to the beach even if I am not sure I will have enough gas to get back. I plan on living my life to its fullest. I am glad you don’t consider me rational because rational is not my life’s ambition.
In the past several years we have drifted a part. You never visited me at college and never knew who I was. Because you never witnessed me growing up, I can not be myself around you. I am an outgoing person that my friends (and I have many of them still including %%%%%) would consider lively, funny, lavish, bubbly, and fun to be around. Like I said before, I can curse and talk dirty, tell stories and cut loose but I would never do that around you or $$$$ because you don’t show emotion and you make me feel like I need to be your expectation of me.
My future is still being determined. At 25, I have lots of fantastic choices in front of me. If I want to go back to school, I could. But I am not a “school” person and I have far too many plans and paths to discover than to go back to school for a degree in something that paints me as a one-sided person. I have many interests and many dimensions. It’s a shame that you never really knew me or you would realize that singing is just of my many interests. Thankfully I do not feel the need to defend my life choices to you.
Perhaps my life has been considered “rough”. You’ve been an on and off part of my life and certainly haven’t contributed to helping it. I am not a person that uses past life experiences as excuses. I am who I am and that is a strong, independent, mature, creative, special person.
I am not willing to try to mend our relationship. I am not doing this to be hurtful or “cruel” but because I deserve a life free from harsh judgments. I choose to surround myself with positive people. I am sorry I couldn’t have the aunt that I share secrets with or go on road trips with or ask for advice. We haven’t been close and we certainly can’t go anywhere from here. I am not willing to continue defending my life to you. I am not willing to hold back my personality. I am not willing to force a relationship with someone who views me so critically. I need all my strength for my future.
I honestly don’t mean any of this letter to be hurtful to you. I have given this a lot of thought and I can’t continue without giving a response to that email that was mistakenly sent to me. There is a line between letting things run off your back and standing up for yourself.
I am a lucky person to have the things in life I do. I can say for sure that my mother has been my guardian angel. I look forward to a bright future that I am sure will have its share of irrational insensible decisions. I look forward to sharing my life with an adoring husband who believes in showing his love for me. I look forward to the list of jobs I am sure I will go through before I find the perfect one.
I am my mother’s daughter and I am proud to be my mother’s daughter.
Chalica
posted by AM at 4:41 PM
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